About Mediation
In most conflicts, the more traditional dispute resolution processes
of litigation or attorney centered negotiations tend to exacerbate
the conflict and leave the parties feeling powerless and uncertain
about the outcome of litigation. Even if a party "wins"
he or she often feels a lack of satisfaction.
In Mediation, on the other hand, the parties decide all aspects
of the resolution of their conflict with the assistance of a neutral
and objective Mediator. This means that they have complete control
of the process of resolving the issues, as well as the terms of
the settlement itself. In addition, the Mediator can help the parties
learn how to communicate with each other in a more productive way
and to use these skills on their own to resolve any future differences.
In Interest Based or Understanding Based Mediation, the Mediator
will work with the parties to reach a resolution of their differences
through improving their understanding of the issues and the other
person’s point of view. In this way, each party has the opportunity
to express his and her point of view and is given support equally.
Once the party’s interests and motivations are expressed and
understood by the other, it makes it easier for them to devise creative
solutions to their disputes together and to reach a mutual agreement
which satisfies both parties’ needs. This process works best
where both parties want a definitive outcome.
In Transformative Mediation, the Mediator works with the parties
in conflict to help them change the quality of their interaction
from negative and destructive to positive and constructive as they
explore and discuss issues and possibilities for resolution. In
this type of Mediation, the emphasis is more on opening up communication
so the parties can hear the other person’s point of view than
on achieving a settlement of an issue. This type of Mediation is
particularly useful in employment, elder care or neighbor disputes.
No matter what style of mediation is practiced, the key to a successful
Mediation is for all parties to feel they can express themselves
in a non-confrontational, non-adversarial environment, and the Mediator
will maintain that safe environment. If the parties reach an agreement
that must be reduced to a written agreement, the parties may then
want to seek the input of individual review attorneys before executing
any agreement.
Divorce Mediation
Divorce is a traumatic and painful emotional experience for the
divorcing couple and their family, and unfortunately the negative
aspects of divorce are often exacerbated in the more traditional
dispute resolution processes of litigation or attorney centered
negotiations in which the clients feel powerless and without control
over the process of divorce.
In mediation, on the other hand, the parties decide the resolution
of their conflict with the assistance of a neutral mediator. This
means that the divorcing couple has complete control as to the process
of resolving the issues of their divorce, as well as the terms of
the settlement itself. In addition, the Mediator can help the couple
learn how to communicate and fully understand his or her spouse
and hopefully learn to use these skills on their own to resolve
any future differences.
In interest based mediation, the Mediator will work with the couple
to reach a resolution of their differences through improving their
understanding of the issues and the other person’s point of
view. In this way, each party has the opportunity to express his
and her point of view and is given support equally. Once the party’s
interests and motivations are expressed and heard by the spouse,
it makes it easier for them to devise creative solutions to their
disputes together and reach a mutual agreement which satisfies both
parties’ needs, as well as the needs of the entire family.
The key to a successful mediation is for both parties to feel they
can express themselves in a non-confrontational, non-adversarial
environment, and the mediator will maintain that safe environment.
Does that mean that the couple will never express anger or frustration?
Absolutely not. They are still going through a very difficult time
and are not expected to be dispassionate. However, mediation will
open up communication between the parties and into an understanding
of their spouse’s needs and interests.
Once the parties have reached an agreement that is suited to the
needs of their particular family, a Separation Agreement is drafted,
and it is recommended that the parties then seek the input of individual
review attorneys before executing the agreement. The parties can
then file for divorce immediately alleging fault grounds or wait
for one year and seek a divorce based upon living separate and apart
for over a year under a written Separation Agreement.
Elder Care Mediation
Unfortunately, the blessings of a long life can also be accompanied by disharmony within a family over issues of health, nursing home placement and proper care of an elder person. The children may have different views from their parents, or siblings may argue with each over whether their dad should be in a facility or cared for at home. A mother can feel that her children are forcing her out of her home for no reason and that decisions are being made for her without her input.
Eldercare family disputes are well suited to resolution through mediation. The mediation process provides a forum for all interested parties to speak in a safe environment: the elder person, a caregiver or some other person who is there to help the elder person feel comfortable in the process, and the children. It can also include other relatives or friends who are supportive of those who are important to the decision making process. A trained mediator can insure that all voices are heard and understood by the other parties. The mediator may help the parties brainstorm a resolution, but the emphasis on this type of mediation is to improve communication among the various parties.
The mediator will work with the parties in conflict to help them change the quality of their interaction from negative and destructive to positive and constructive as they explore and discuss the issues they want to discuss along with possibilities for resolution. The mediator is there to support each party’s deliberation and efforts to understand the other’s perspective without encouraging any party to adopt any particular point of view or resolution.
Frequently Asked Questions
Mediation FAQ
Do The Parties Need a Lawyer?
During the mediation process itself, the parties will not need an attorney, but they are free to consult with an attorney either before or during the process if they feel that they want legal advice. The Mediator will not be acting as a lawyer for either party and cannot provide legal advice. Also, the parties may agree to bring attorneys to the Mediation sessions, but that would increase the cost of your Mediation. At the end of the Mediation, it is recommended that the parties review the agreement with their own counsel before they sign the agreement.
Who
Attends A Mediation?
All parties who are necessary for the decision making process must be present. In addition, as long as all parties and the Mediator agree, an individual may bring someone to the mediation for purposes of support or advocacy.
How Long Does Mediation Take?
Every mediation is different, but on average mediation will take two to three sessions if you have minor children and one to two sessions if you do not have minor children. However, the mediation can take longer if you have more complex issues or if the parties are in dispute over a significant amount of issues.
Is Mediation
Mandatory?
No. Mediation is a voluntary process, and both parties must agreed
to mediate.
Why Do Mediation?
1. Mediation not only saves on the financial and emotional cost of litigation and on the increasing length of time it takes to complete a litigation, but it is particularly well suited in conflicts in which the parties will have an ongoing relationship, such as parents raising a child together, neighbor disputes or employment disputes.
2. Mediation can save money, time and effort and eliminates the uncertainty of results.
3. Mediation provides an opportunity for everyone to meet one another, share thoughts and understand one another's position.
4. Mediation allows the parties to vent in a safe and constructive manner for reaching resolution.
Can I Meet with the Mediator Alone?
Since one of most important concepts of mediation is the idea of the mediator's neutrality, it is not recommended that the Mediator speak at length with a party individually, and in fact, all emails and correspondence typically include both parties. However, on occasion the Mediator may suggest a caucus, where he or she speaks with one party and then the other. This could be helpful if there is significant hostility between the parties on a particular issue.
How Much Will Mediation Cost
The cost of mediation is in line with the amount of time it takes to complete the mediation. In general, the time spent in the mediation itself will be between $1,000 and $3,000, and then there are additional fees for drafting documents. Of course, it can cost more or less depending upon the complexity of the issues and the extent of the dispute. However, a mediated divorce is in general less costly than a litigated divorce or an attorney negotiated divorce.
What
Qualities Do You Want In A Mediator?
1. Sincerity.
2. Unbiased outlook.
3. Good listener.
4. Patient.
5. Experience as a
mediator.
6. Experience in the
subject matter.
Does the Mediator Decide What Happens?
Not at all. To the contrary, the parties determine the order that issues are discussed, the amount of time spent and the terms of any agreement that is reached.
Can We Mediate If We Disagree?
All parties in conflict have different points of view, and it is not expected that you are in total agreement when you first come to mediate. The only thing you need to agree upon initially is the process of mediation itself.
Why Couples Choose to Work with Clare Piro as Their Mediator
Clare offers divorcing couples both the benefit of her twenty-five years of experience in family law and her sensitivity to the emotional upheaval being faced by divorcing couples. She values the couple's right to determine the outcome of their divorce and sees her role as helping them communicate more effectively so they can reach a mutual agreement.
Misconceptions
About Mediation
1. The
mediator decides the settlement reached by the parties. To the contrary,
any agreements that are reached are made by the parties.
2. The parties are too far apart to
mediate. All parties in conflict have different points of view,
but common interests can be found.
3. Mediation can only be done after a lawsuit is filed. Mediation can
be done at any point but generally serves to avoid litigation so
it is most commonly begun before other types of conflict resolution
are used.
Elder Care Mediation FAQ
My Mother Is In The Early Stages of Dementia. How Can She Be A Party To This?
The mediator will screen for the capacity to mediate to insure that the party understands the nature of the mediation process, assess options and make and keep an agreement. However, capacity is not an “all or nothing” phenomenon, and capacity can fluctuate over time. The mediator will strive to enhance a party’s capacity so that the mediation can involve the elder person even if she is not always completely lucid. For example, it is likely that a person has periods in the day when she is more clear, and the mediation would be scheduled during such periods.
Where Would The Mediation Take Place?
In consideration of the health issues of the elder party, the mediation can occur in the home or at a nursing home facility. The paramount issue is that the elder party is comfortable and at ease.
If I Suspect Abuse, Can I Still Mediate?
In any case where there is concern that an elder person is the victim of abuse, the appropriate authority should be contacted to insure the safety and well being of the elder person. Once that is done, however, a mediation may occur provided that the agency permits it and that appropriate measures are taken to insure the safety of all participants.
Who Can Attend A Mediation?
It is imperative that all parties who are important to the process are present, so these mediations tend to be multi party. In addition, parties may have a support person there if they wish. For example, an elder person may want his social worker or trusted friend to help him speak on his behalf.
